choosing your friends carefully

One downside to my lifestyle, as I mentioned recently, is the loneliness that comes with it. Whilst I accept this as a trade-off worth making to enable me to do what I do, that doesn't mean I don't continue to make efforts to meet people, particularly through attending events organised for people like me, such as Internations and Meet-Up, and responding to messages on Internations or the Expats in Panama facebook group.

You quickly learn not to waste time trying to make friends with Panamanians.  Not that they are not nice people - they are - but they have very extensive families, and family friendships that go back decades, and they really have no space for foreigners to join their social circles.  So while they'll be friendly to you, they won't invite you in.

So you have to look for other foreigners.  Most of these are pretty closed groups (the Chinese, the Lebanese, the Venezuelans, for example), but the one group of people who are relatively welcoming to outsiders are the Americans.  Of whom there are a lot in Panama.  So my attempts to find friends in Panama involves me interacting with quite a few Americans.

Now I don't want to get all anti-American on here - I have met plenty of really nice American people over the years.  But Panama seems to attract a particular type of American.  You can see it on the facebook group, from this type of post: "I'm planning to retire to Panama and wonder if any of you kind folks can answer a few questions - (1) will I be able to avoid paying US taxes? (2) will I be able to bring my gun into the country? (3) are there any church groups I can join? (4) why don't the Panamanians working in restaurants provide the kind of service we're used to in the US?"  Not my type of people.  But beggars can't be choosers so I still make the effort to follow up with any American who makes overtures of friendship towards me.

But how far do you go in compromising?  I now have one American friend, a retired lady, who recently turned our conversation to the subject of politics.  OK, so she's a Trump supporter, well I almost suppressed my grimace and asked why.  It seemed to come down to her dislike of Obama - who she told me is a communist.  When I questioned that she assured me that it is true, "because he comes from Kenya".  Then she informed me that his government are trying to indoctrinate the children in communist views in schools up and down the country.  I changed the subject and have continued the friendship but avoiding the subject of politics.

Then recently another American took things further.  He started by telling me how he doesn't like Hispanics (so why does he live in Panama?), and maybe that should have rung alarm bells, but we continued the conversation.  He was also a Trump supporter - because of the proposed wall to keep Mexicans out.  He assured me that Obama is a Muslim, and explained how he is about to bring 30,000 refugees into the US from Africa.  "Really?  What part of Africa?" I asked.  "Yemen" he replied.

But it got a lot worse as he went on to give me his views on African-Americans.  Only he didn't use that term, he used a word beginning with N that I cannot even bring myself to write.  He then told me a bit about how big the Ku Klux Klan is in his part of the US (Alabama).  I couldn't really believe what I was hearing, but it was kind of fascinating in its awfulness - a bit like a big hairy spider that you want to get away from but at the same time are compelled to keep staring at just because it is so awful.  So whilst I made it clear that I didn't share his views, and told him how I used to live in Africa and loved it (he was briefly lost for words at that!), I kept it civil.  But then later wondered whether I had done the wrong thing - whether I should have expressed horror and disgust as soon as he started on the racism and walked away.

Now I've received a message that he wants us to meet again.  I've put off the decision by explaining that I'm currently on assignment in El Salvador, but am wondering what to do when I get home.  In some ways I am tempted to go back for more, to hear why he holds such views (and to find out if he was actually a Ku Klux Klan member - I couldn't bring myself to ask him last week) as it is probably (indeed hopefully) a once in a lifetime opportunity to hear first-hand why people like him hold the views they do.

But is that wrong?

I don't believe I am in a position to either encourage his views nor to change his mind, so in that sense it makes no difference whether we meet up again or not.  & if you can't find friends whose company you actually enjoy then why not spend a bit of time with a bigot whose company you find interesting?  If you had the chance to have anyone, dead or alive, as a dinner guest, would you just go for someone nice?  Or would you think about choosing someone like Adolf Hitler or Pol Pot so as to hear what they had to say?  Maybe in the end my decision will be driven not by what is morally correct but by practicalities - not wanting to invite someone like that into my home but being scared to meet him somewhere public in case anyone nearby can speak English and understand what he is saying. Any views gladly accepted but civilly, please - any abusive comments will just be deleted.